Friday, October 10, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
I am a humanitarian at heart. Especially since I do not get along with other dogs.
However, though I prefer to rule my kingdom as an only dog, this does not mean that I turn my back on fellow Canis lupus familiaris.
In light of my recent ruminations about BSL, I would like to dedicate Fridays to local bullies available for adoption.
Today, I would like to introduce Star.
Currently she is residing at the Animal Rescue League in Worcester, and is ready for her forever home. The folks over there say,
Star is a wonderful dog. She is five years old, knows lots of commands, is very polite and obedient, and she is already housetrained! Star is so friendly, and affectionate. She is also quiet, and a great companion. Star is ready to find her new forever home and spend her golden years in style. Come down today wnd see if Star is the right dog for you!
If you can't adopt Star, or any of the other fellows at the ARL, feel free to drop by with some donations of food, toys, or other items.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.
I couldn't go on this trip sadly, because Denver has an ordinance making it "unlawful for any person to own, possess, keep, exercise control over, maintain, harbor, transport, or sell within the city any pit bull." (Sec. 8-55. Pit bulls prohibited)
Further, they define the term "pit bull" to mean, "any dog that is an American Pit Bull Terrier, American Staffordshire Terrier, Staffordshire Bull Terrier, or any dog displaying the majority of physical traits of any one (1) or more of the above breeds, or any dog exhibiting those distinguishing characteristics which substantially conform to the standards established by the American Kennel Club or United Kennel Club for any of the above breeds."
Now, it's no secret that my parentage is somewhat questionable and I have been asked if I am a pit, boxer, staffordshire, bulldog, even a labrador. The UKC breed standard describes the American Pit Bull Terrier (APBT) thusly:
The American Pit Bull Terrier is a medium-sized, solidly built, short-coated dog with smooth, well-defined musculature. This breed is both powerful and athletic. The body is just slightly longer than tall, but bitches may be somewhat longer in body than dogs. The length of the front leg (measured from point of elbow to the ground) is approximately equal to one-half of the dog's height at the withers. The head is of medium length, with a broad, flat skull, and a wide, deep muzzle. Ears are small to medium in size, high set, and may be natural or cropped. The relatively short tail is set low, thick at the base and tapers to a point. The American Pit Bull Terrier comes in all colors and color patterns. This breed combines strength and athleticism with grace and agility and should never appear bulky or muscle-bound or fine-boned and rangy.
I dare say, I fit that description, especially this part: The APBT head is unique and a key element of breed type. It is large and broad, giving the impression of great power, but it is not disproportionate to the size of the body. Viewed from the front, the head is shaped like a broad, blunt wedge. When viewed from the side, the skull and muzzle are parallel to one another and joined by a well defined, moderately deep stop. Supraorbital arches over the eyes are well defined but not pronounced. The head is well chiseled, blending strength, elegance, and character. (Indeed, and what a handsome dog!)
Anyway, vanity aside, the whole point of this post is to talk about the utter absurdity of Breed Specific Legislation and Breed Profiling. Now, I do understand concerns about the history of the breed. Yes, pit bulls were bred originally to fight... other animals. I myself, am not fond of other canines, and much prefer the company of my two-legged companions. I suspect that much of the public is not educated about the logistics of dog-fighting, which is a nasty activity (I will not dignify such a reprehensible engagement by calling it "sport").
It is common knowledge that the Pit Bull breed was developed for blood sports: Bull baiting, bear baiting, and later, dogfighting. What is not common knowledge is that in the days of organized dogfighting, the handlers of the combatants were habitually IN THE PIT with the dogs for the duration of the fight. They were required to pick up and separate the dogs several times while the dogs were in full fight frenzy. Before the fight, the handlers were required to wash each other's dogs, and after the fight, the badly injured dogs were often treated at ringside by strangers. Any dog that attacked or bit a handler (even if it was the other dog's handler) or anyone else at any time was culled, often on the spot, and would never have been bred. (http://www.pitbullsontheweb.com/petbull/breedinfo.php)
Therefore, my bretheren who exhibit aggression toward humans are NOT exhibiting the characteristics of our breed.
Instead of banning breeds, let's educate people about responsible dog ownership and create stiffer punishments for owners of ANY BREED who behave irresponsibly.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So, I have heard a lot of grumblings from a lot of folks about the lack of culture in my beloved adoptive hometown and I wish to submit my evidence to the contrary.
Last Wednesday, my humans took my to the local car show, as we have been doing every Wednesday night for most of the summer-tide. I quite enjoy walking around and looking at the old timey motor cars while being admired by my many fans. I also fancy the free barbecue sandwiches that people drop on the ground.
This particular evening started off rather ominously. As my human and my new friend Leah were walking to the show, we had to pass by our neighborhood gin mill. Outside were a number of patrons who were clearly, shall we say...Spifflicated. One of these gents mistook me for Petey from the Little Rascals. While I was genuinely flattered, I didn't think it necessary to shout. My ears are quite sensitive, thank you.
Once at the show, we looked over all the cars and chanced upon one with the very rare "Truman" paint job! A good choice, if I do say so myself. And a fine way to spend an evening.
Monday, September 15, 2008
...I believe I now see why I am often chastised for doing little else but remaining inert. Essence can occasionally be interpreted to mean a scent, and as Truman the Great has been recorded in saying, "Intense feeling too often obscures the truth."
I feel that "intense feeling" may indeed be coming from my rectum.
Indeed, that is the bane of my canine existence. If a simple bodily function is returned and retributive with disgust and chastisement, how is one to react? In following, my master has changed my diet, and I, for the reciprocation of my outpouring love, have even so much as attempted to reduce my oxygen intake while gnawing upon my rawhide toys.
A President cannot always be popular.
But to be despised for something I am truly good at...I don't know what it is I should do. But I will persevere.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Although this may appear to be an elementary debacle, I feel that I need your guiding wisdom on a situation I have encountered over the past few days.
Two friends, one close and one not very, have entered into dangerous territory, that is, the battleground of the heart. One thinks she has fallen in love, and acts this out in a quite indiscreet fashion, using intense hyperbole and at times even offending those in her company with her coy awkwardness. She has confided in me that while she is not sure of my friend’s affection, she “needs him” in her life, whether they know each other (in the biblical sense, of course), or simply become close life-long friends and confidants.
My male comrade, however, has begun to feel the strain of a crush that will not be denied. He longs for quiet days, with much time to work on his music and properly style his hair. Those days are now a thing of the past. Nights on the town were previously carefree and full of laughs. Now I consider staying in to avoid the situation entirely. While I do not want
to hurt this lovely little girl’s feelings, the madness must end.
Truman, please help, or else I don’t think our lives will ever be the same again.
Annoyed in Worcester
A wise man once said, "Desperation is a smelly perfume."
Unfortunately, the desperate are not like you or I. They are as different a breed from the genteel classes as I am from a Dachshund. And much like a nettlesome whelp, they must be dealt with in a very specific way.
I would recommend that your friend be benevolent, but tough. Act like a top dog. Always be fair and never get angry. Dogs understand what's fair and what's not, although you humans do seem to have considerable trouble with this concept. The top dog behaves with dignity, surety, confidence, authority, and intelligence. This will help even the most forlorn and hopeless devotee realize her place in the "pack of love."
As Harry would say, Carry the battle to them, don't let them bring it to you. And don't apologize for anything.
I have been made aware that not only do my humans love and adore me, they also wish to hear my advice on various topics having to do with love, life, fashion, food and other miscellany. So I, as usual, am here to oblige.
I am officially soliciting your burning questions. (Or questions about burning, but I do not guarantee the soundness of my medical answers. Or any of my answers.) Having issues with friends? Don't know what shoes to wear with that skirt? Trouble with other dogs? Quarrels between lovers? I see all and know all, and have much time during the day to ponder these answers while enjoying my peanut butter treat. So email me at email@example.com.
My wisdom has already been requested on several very important issues, and you should expect to begin reading my responses in the very near future, as soon as I have finished my business with this kong and taken my noon-time constitutional.