Things I love about Worcester

So, I have heard a lot of grumblings from a lot of folks about the lack of culture in my beloved adoptive hometown and I wish to submit my evidence to the contrary.

Last Wednesday, my humans took my to the local car show, as we have been doing every Wednesday night for most of the summer-tide. I quite enjoy walking around and looking at the old timey motor cars while being admired by my many fans. I also fancy the free barbecue sandwiches that people drop on the ground.

This particular evening started off rather ominously. As my human and my new friend Leah were walking to the show, we had to pass by our neighborhood gin mill. Outside were a number of patrons who were clearly, shall we say...Spifflicated. One of these gents mistook me for Petey from the Little Rascals. While I was genuinely flattered, I didn't think it necessary to shout. My ears are quite sensitive, thank you.

Once at the show, we looked over all the cars and chanced upon one with the very rare "Truman" paint job! A good choice, if I do say so myself. And a fine way to spend an evening.

A President cannot always be popular.

I am perplexed at the patterns of my masters' behaviors as of late. It should so happen on occasion that I am lying in the lower half of my doggie domicile, when all of a sudden, she will exclaim how disgusting I am and begin waving her had back and forth in front of her nose. I am and have been mildly perturbed at the essence of this behavior, and--

Wait...essence...

...I believe I now see why I am often chastised for doing little else but remaining inert. Essence can occasionally be interpreted to mean a scent, and as Truman the Great has been recorded in saying, "Intense feeling too often obscures the truth."

I feel that "intense feeling" may indeed be coming from my rectum.

Indeed, that is the bane of my canine existence. If a simple bodily function is returned and retributive with disgust and chastisement, how is one to react? In following, my master has changed my diet, and I, for the reciprocation of my outpouring love, have even so much as attempted to reduce my oxygen intake while gnawing upon my rawhide toys.

A President cannot always be popular.

But to be despised for something I am truly good at...I don't know what it is I should do. But I will persevere.

Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.

Dear Truman,

Although this may appear to be an elementary debacle, I feel that I need your guiding wisdom on a situation I have encountered over the past few days.

Two friends, one close and one not very, have entered into dangerous territory, that is, the battleground of the heart. One thinks she has fallen in love, and acts this out in a quite indiscreet fashion, using intense hyperbole and at times even offending those in her company with her coy awkwardness. She has confided in me that while she is not sure of my friend’s affection, she “needs him” in her life, whether they know each other (in the biblical sense, of course), or simply become close life-long friends and confidants.

My male comrade, however, has begun to feel the strain of a crush that will not be denied. He longs for quiet days, with much time to work on his music and properly style his hair. Those days are now a thing of the past. Nights on the town were previously carefree and full of laughs. Now I consider staying in to avoid the situation entirely. While I do not want
to hurt this lovely little girl’s feelings, the madness must end.

Truman, please help, or else I don’t think our lives will ever be the same again.

Sincerely,

Annoyed in Worcester


Dear Annoyed,

A wise man once said, "Desperation is a smelly perfume."

Unfortunately, the desperate are not like you or I. They are as different a breed from the genteel classes as I am from a Dachshund. And much like a nettlesome whelp, they must be dealt with in a very specific way.

I would recommend that your friend be benevolent, but tough. Act like a top dog. Always be fair and never get angry. Dogs understand what's fair and what's not, although you humans do seem to have considerable trouble with this concept. The top dog behaves with dignity, surety, confidence, authority, and intelligence. This will help even the most forlorn and hopeless devotee realize her place in the "pack of love."

As Harry would say, Carry the battle to them, don't let them bring it to you. And don't apologize for anything.

Cheerio,
Truman

Calling all wayward humans!

Greetings friends!

I have been made aware that not only do my humans love and adore me, they also wish to hear my advice on various topics having to do with love, life, fashion, food and other miscellany. So I, as usual, am here to oblige.

I am officially soliciting your burning questions. (Or questions about burning, but I do not guarantee the soundness of my medical answers. Or any of my answers.) Having issues with friends? Don't know what shoes to wear with that skirt? Trouble with other dogs? Quarrels between lovers? I see all and know all, and have much time during the day to ponder these answers while enjoying my peanut butter treat. So email me at sirtruman@gmail.com.

My wisdom has already been requested on several very important issues, and you should expect to begin reading my responses in the very near future, as soon as I have finished my business with this kong and taken my noon-time constitutional.

Greetings to all friends and admirers!

Hello to all and welcome to my blog! I must admit that I am new to this world of computers, but I shall do my best to keep my fans up to date about my comings and goings here. There seems to be so much interest in me, and I want nothing but to oblige my public.

(Notice that I said "public," from the latin publicus, meaning human. I'll have none of those terrible canine varieties here. Grrrrrr...)

Excuse me. Anyway, I'm looking forward to keeping everyone in the loop about my very interesting life. And of course the most exciting news is that I will be celebrating my birthday tomorrow! I'm not quite sure if I'll be two or three, but it is really unimportant. What is important is that people will be celebrating me, and how awesome is that!