I am perplexed at the patterns of my masters' behaviors as of late. It should so happen on occasion that I am lying in the lower half of my doggie domicile, when all of a sudden, she will exclaim how disgusting I am and begin waving her had back and forth in front of her nose. I am and have been mildly perturbed at the essence of this behavior, and--
...I believe I now see why I am often chastised for doing little else but remaining inert. Essence can occasionally be interpreted to mean a scent, and as Truman the Great has been recorded in saying, "Intense feeling too often obscures the truth."
I feel that "intense feeling" may indeed be coming from my rectum.
Indeed, that is the bane of my canine existence. If a simple bodily function is returned and retributive with disgust and chastisement, how is one to react? In following, my master has changed my diet, and I, for the reciprocation of my outpouring love, have even so much as attempted to reduce my oxygen intake while gnawing upon my rawhide toys.
A President cannot always be popular.
But to be despised for something I am truly good at...I don't know what it is I should do. But I will persevere.