Although this may appear to be an elementary debacle, I feel that I need your guiding wisdom on a situation I have encountered over the past few days.
Two friends, one close and one not very, have entered into dangerous territory, that is, the battleground of the heart. One thinks she has fallen in love, and acts this out in a quite indiscreet fashion, using intense hyperbole and at times even offending those in her company with her coy awkwardness. She has confided in me that while she is not sure of my friend’s affection, she “needs him” in her life, whether they know each other (in the biblical sense, of course), or simply become close life-long friends and confidants.
My male comrade, however, has begun to feel the strain of a crush that will not be denied. He longs for quiet days, with much time to work on his music and properly style his hair. Those days are now a thing of the past. Nights on the town were previously carefree and full of laughs. Now I consider staying in to avoid the situation entirely. While I do not want
to hurt this lovely little girl’s feelings, the madness must end.
Truman, please help, or else I don’t think our lives will ever be the same again.
Annoyed in Worcester
A wise man once said, "Desperation is a smelly perfume."
Unfortunately, the desperate are not like you or I. They are as different a breed from the genteel classes as I am from a Dachshund. And much like a nettlesome whelp, they must be dealt with in a very specific way.
I would recommend that your friend be benevolent, but tough. Act like a top dog. Always be fair and never get angry. Dogs understand what's fair and what's not, although you humans do seem to have considerable trouble with this concept. The top dog behaves with dignity, surety, confidence, authority, and intelligence. This will help even the most forlorn and hopeless devotee realize her place in the "pack of love."
As Harry would say, Carry the battle to them, don't let them bring it to you. And don't apologize for anything.